Friday, October 19, 2012

Major Life Changes

I couldn't possibly pretend to be able to catch you up on all the things that have been going on in my life in full but a readers' digest should do quite nicely:

For a while there I had a severe peak in pain with my back. I am still seeking out herbal pain management and my current line of defense is turmeric. It is reported to work better after one takes it for a longer period of time to "build up" but right now Im not even sure that I'm getting good-quality turmeric. I just buy the caps usually. Recently I got some good, fresh stuff that was loose in a bag. I bought that a lots of other natural pain remedies to try.

I hate to admit that I seem to always shotgun all my efforts to do this or that but I do. *sigh* So I can't tell you if the Turmeric is helping or if it's the fact that I quit smoking Tuesday morning. Ha - you're probably reading this going "oh, just Tuesday huh?" and I'm thinking OHMYGODIMADEIT4DAYS!!! lol Well almost 5 now. Hey, its the little but big things sometimes right?

Anyway nicotine is said to harass nerve endings quite a bit because it can collapse smaller capillaries responsible for supplying the nerves with blood. When that supply is taken away well those nerves obviously die. Since I've been off the smokes I have been using an electronic cig which does still have nicotine in it but Im not sure if its really the same as smoking. I know it feels very little like smoking - my complex and needy brain knows the difference let me tell you - but anywhoo I digress. . .

Lessee what else is going on for me? Without really trying to I've taken some time off - I guess because I've been in so much pain. I made a trip to the ER recently and have had a bit of a mental hiccup errrr.. yes. That's what I would call it. The kind of hiccup where you swallow and eat and push all of your worries and pain down into your toes and without warning it comes flying up and out of you like a can o fake peanuts. gggbllleerraaaahg. Something like that anyway.

It's okay. I'm okay. It was BOUND to happen. I will deal and I will come out on the other side a better, much-improved me!

Creating has been put on hold. I've been making efforts here and there but that hasn't been my focus. I guess all my mental stuff got ahold of me along with my physical stuff.. hell. I don't know. Im just an artist. I am merely designed to FEEL this crazy shit - not understand it?

So while we're on the topic how DOES one go about getting rid of the black muck that fills one's heart and soul so it doesn't run amok or better yet? Runs over? I mean really? I don't see a therapist. That's just giving all my art away. I don't go through this pain so I can pay someone to take it off of my hands - I usually create it out of me. Yea okay call me about as dense as they come - Would you suppose that I haven't exactly been getting to the torch as often as I should and therefore got proverbially 'backed-up'??

Makes me laugh to say it but Im glad we had this time to talk - no really. I need to get my ass over here a lot more often. I have a feeling that it might be a little higher on the "to do" list in the coming days.

So what's going on with you, my friends? I have missed being connected to my artsy-fartsy crazy folk - I've had my head up my ass where I guess it's needed to be but after a while it gets lonely up there. *waving arms in the air* I'm done!!!

I think I am learning more about how to balance chronic pain and life in general. My last really bad bout with pain wasn't so distracting this time. I just sorta coasted through it (without any pain meds, cream or anything but good old turmeric) and while it was anything but pleasant I think I'm getting used to my constant companion.

Regardless of the quitting smoking or the turmeric or whatever is causing me to have less pain I love it. I plan to continue to be a non-smoker (might as well fuck, I had the mental breakdown and am in the middle of mourning my fucking habit right now, you think I wanna do THIS shit again? HELL no.) and I plan to keep trying herbs here and there to see what I can benefit from. I thought about keeping a pain blog but that's just too much focusing on pain and being bla bla bla. The thought of one of you trying to take my very limited and somewhat ignorant advice about pain management makes me more than a bit freaked out too - so don't do it. I'm an artist not a doctor. I don't even play one on Tv so DO NOT do what I do. I should be your cautionary tale.

Well anyway, carry on folks. Autumn is here and just as soon as I get done with this *period* in my life I think I'll be able to experience it lol

Jesus H life is wicked sometimes eh?

be good to yourself. That's an order. ;)


1 comment:

Megan Pulling said...

I love you, PJ! Just a phone call away if you need to vent. Looking forward to Dec and another visit. XO