I smile a lot "these days". And I think about the future more than the past. That has to count for something.
I burned up. In the aftermath all I could do was sit in the rubble and ruins of what my life was; picking over the pieces of past, present and future.
The past pieces were black, charred so heavy and couldn't be repaired. leave them.
Moving on to the present; I recognized more than the past.. we can work with those. Set those in the "take" pile.
The future pieces were fragmented and not fully formed but beautiful and full color and life. They excited me with their shapes. They filled my heart with curiosity and hope. I shoved them into my pockets - as many as I could...
Moving past the longing and the missing and the yearning for what used to be the fulfillment of my unhealthy appetite; I've traded for a new skin entirely. A new me. A new beginning. So new to me that I don't even know her yet. I do like her though. She's incredible. Strong. Talented. Gifted and kind. She's everything I have ever wanted to be.
I burned up.
I am forever changed and from here am very careful about what I take with me into the future. I never want to hurt like that again. I never want to have to burn up again.
And, I do smile a lot and find myself feeling a lot of joy. That does count for something. Yes, it really does.